Ang Kwento ni Inday

Bigla na lang nauso ngayon ang mga jokes tungkol kay Inday. Noon Erap jokes ang sumasabog. Tapos sinundan ng Gloria jokes.

Haaaay!

Kakaiba naman ito. Di siguro magtatagal at magkakaroon ito ng sitcom. Ang pangunahin tauhan, syempre si Inday.

Heto nga pala ang ilan sa mga nakuha kong Inday jokes na kumakalat sa text at pati na rin sa email. Maloloka kayo sa katatawa.

Sana huwag nating balewalain ang ating mga kasambahay. Malay nyo mas matalino pa sa atin sila.


Ang Kwento ni Inday

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo...

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the
use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute
significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the
work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

*******
I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from??

- Inday? hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick
*******

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday.

*******
I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should?ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn?t platonic. It?s real, true romance.?

- Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya
*******

Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]

*******
" LOVE- a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart that weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise & lips to pucker "

- inday, gumagawa ng blog nya sa friendster
*******

Isang araw pinapangaralan ng amo si inday..

AMO: "ang batayan ng pagiging mahusay na kasambahay ay hindi nasusukat sa kakayahan sa isang mahusay na pakikipagtalastasan gamit ang salitang banyaga", sa halip ito'y masusuri sa kakayahang gampanan ang pangkalahatang gawain at pagsisilbi sa taong pinaglilingkuran. "wala sa salita kundi sa gawa" (matapang na sabi ng amo)

(sumagot naman si inday)

INDAY : "dont dare say that, because our language was derived from other languages. Its not our own. And nowadays, if you dont know how to speak the said, be universal one, you wont be able to face life's challenges. "Besides, its more crucial. You're just too old. You rotten egg!"

(tumambling ang amo dahil dinugo ang ilong kay inday)

Isang araw, sinamahan ni Inday ang kanyang Amo sa U.S. Embassy para kumuha ng Tourist VISA.

CONSUL : Why do you wanna go to the U.S.?
AMO : To travel, to visit friends and fly the airplane.

CONSUL : Denied!!! and you? (tanong kay inday)

INDAY : For life is a never ending pursuit of material and social satisfaction that i tender my great intent of actualizing a trans-Pacific journey to the land of milk and honey. An affable sanctuary where dreams become reality and a perfect habitat where souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom..

CONSUL : Lifetime multiple entry visa granted!

AMO : Potah ka INDAY!

******
" I will be out of the country starting tommorow September 30 for an overseas engagement. It would be appreciated if you would refrain from sending forwarded messages 'til i come back, since i am on roaming and it cost Php 10.00/ msg received by the overseas network. Thanks".

- text ni INDAY kina DODONG at MANANG noong isinama siya ng amo sa Madrid, Espana.
******

Overnight inaral ng amo ni INDAY ang dictionary para may pantapat siya kay INDAY..

AMO : So, Inday, tell me... how do you accept the fact that you are just a mere chambermaid in this extravagant mansion?

INDAY : Una camarera? Eres tan pathetic. La unica razon que inscribi tu casa es proque nada esta sucediendo dentro de tu casa cuasi-agradable. Quisiera traer una poca clase en este hogar per.

AMO : Tang ina ka Inday!!!

Isang araw, inutasan si Inday na bumili ng isda sa palengke.

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka? would you please purchase many fishes for our this week?s meals?

Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term ?fishes?, although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day?s catch? (Pauses) Aaah? by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold?s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple ?galewng-gowng?. Am I correct?

Amo: Leche!

Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the ba-ngooz? is it!

*******
La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?

- si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España
********

• Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce
• Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive
• Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests

- baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday


Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I?ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I?ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!?

- reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia